Defeat to a five year old...
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Whilst I pride myself on my teaching abilities, I have to say I never imagined losing a taught game of Warhammer 40,000 to our youngest Children's club member.
We played Orks vs Necrons, 250 points a side using basic 40k rules - no objectives, no CP, just outright carnage.
Orks: 3 Deffkotpas, 10 Boyz and 1 Warboss.
Necrons: Chronomancer, 10 Warriors and 3 Skorpekh destroyers.
Picture the scene.
Young Rufus wins the roll off, securing first turn.
Eyes glinting with what can only be described as pure, unbrindled rage, he calls a Waaaggghhh. Deffkotpas come screaming across the battlefield, heading for my unit of warriors, led by the Chronomancer. Whilst they are distracted by these aerial monstrosities, the horde of boyz, led by the warboss, charge from the left flank, feet churning up dust as they sprint towards their foes.
The Deffkoptas let loose a volley of rokkits. Most of these spiral harmlessly to impact against the sides of already ruined buildings, but one finds its mark and a Necron warrior explodes, scattering shards of its metal body across the battlefield.
Hearing the charging boyz, the Deffkoptas decide that they do not want to miss a good scrap, and Rufus decides to charge them in to close combat. I can only imagine the sight of these 3 contraptions, tilting their whirling blades down to the warriors...
Not to be outdone, the warboss led his boyz into a charge on the other side of the warriors.
Completely surrounded, the entire unit of warriors was wiped out by the brawling greenskins, leaving the Chronomancer alive on just 2 wounds - half of his starting health.
Summoning all of his hatred for living things, the Chronomancer lifted his stave and...bopped one Ork on the head.
At the start of my turn 1, I had already lost my largest unit, but I was undetterred. The skorpekh destroyers raced from behind a building and charged into the deffkoptas. Between the whirling blades of the rotors and the spinning blades from the destroyers, it would have been difficult to make out what was happening in that melee. The destroyers managed to down two of the Deffktoptas, leaving just the leader of that unit alive, debris raining down upon all who battled beneath.
The Warboss, having seen one of his boyz bopped on the head by the Chronomancer, decided that 'no-wun duz dat to me ladz!', stepped forward and decapitated the Necron leader.
The last deffkopta, filled with rage and excitement at battling the destroyers, plunged its whirling blades into its enemies, ripping one to pieces whilst still managing to maintain control of his aerial vehicle.
With that, turn one was done. The Orks had destroyed the entire squad of Necron warriors, the Chronomancer and one of the Skorpekh destroyers. In return, the Necrons had bopped one boy on the head and downed two Deffkoptas.
I knew at this point that it was not going to go well for me.
Turn two saw young Rufus continue his streak of death and destruction as he charged his Warboxx and boyz into the 2 remaining Skorpekhs. They did not stand a chance. With swings of their choppas, and the Warboss' power klaw, the last remains of my Necron force went down under a tide of green.
I looked Rufus in the eyes. He looked me in the eyes. A grin, a grin which can only have appeared on the face of leaders who know they have thoroughly vanquished their foes, spread across his face.
I was defeated. 34 years of life and experience, many of those spent playing tabletop games, video games, board games...
I lost to a five year old.
Rufus.
My nemesis...
We played Orks vs Necrons, 250 points a side using basic 40k rules - no objectives, no CP, just outright carnage.
Orks: 3 Deffkotpas, 10 Boyz and 1 Warboss.
Necrons: Chronomancer, 10 Warriors and 3 Skorpekh destroyers.
Picture the scene.
Young Rufus wins the roll off, securing first turn.
Eyes glinting with what can only be described as pure, unbrindled rage, he calls a Waaaggghhh. Deffkotpas come screaming across the battlefield, heading for my unit of warriors, led by the Chronomancer. Whilst they are distracted by these aerial monstrosities, the horde of boyz, led by the warboss, charge from the left flank, feet churning up dust as they sprint towards their foes.
The Deffkoptas let loose a volley of rokkits. Most of these spiral harmlessly to impact against the sides of already ruined buildings, but one finds its mark and a Necron warrior explodes, scattering shards of its metal body across the battlefield.
Hearing the charging boyz, the Deffkoptas decide that they do not want to miss a good scrap, and Rufus decides to charge them in to close combat. I can only imagine the sight of these 3 contraptions, tilting their whirling blades down to the warriors...
Not to be outdone, the warboss led his boyz into a charge on the other side of the warriors.
Completely surrounded, the entire unit of warriors was wiped out by the brawling greenskins, leaving the Chronomancer alive on just 2 wounds - half of his starting health.
Summoning all of his hatred for living things, the Chronomancer lifted his stave and...bopped one Ork on the head.
At the start of my turn 1, I had already lost my largest unit, but I was undetterred. The skorpekh destroyers raced from behind a building and charged into the deffkoptas. Between the whirling blades of the rotors and the spinning blades from the destroyers, it would have been difficult to make out what was happening in that melee. The destroyers managed to down two of the Deffktoptas, leaving just the leader of that unit alive, debris raining down upon all who battled beneath.
The Warboss, having seen one of his boyz bopped on the head by the Chronomancer, decided that 'no-wun duz dat to me ladz!', stepped forward and decapitated the Necron leader.
The last deffkopta, filled with rage and excitement at battling the destroyers, plunged its whirling blades into its enemies, ripping one to pieces whilst still managing to maintain control of his aerial vehicle.
With that, turn one was done. The Orks had destroyed the entire squad of Necron warriors, the Chronomancer and one of the Skorpekh destroyers. In return, the Necrons had bopped one boy on the head and downed two Deffkoptas.
I knew at this point that it was not going to go well for me.
Turn two saw young Rufus continue his streak of death and destruction as he charged his Warboxx and boyz into the 2 remaining Skorpekhs. They did not stand a chance. With swings of their choppas, and the Warboss' power klaw, the last remains of my Necron force went down under a tide of green.
I looked Rufus in the eyes. He looked me in the eyes. A grin, a grin which can only have appeared on the face of leaders who know they have thoroughly vanquished their foes, spread across his face.
I was defeated. 34 years of life and experience, many of those spent playing tabletop games, video games, board games...
I lost to a five year old.
Rufus.
My nemesis...